I've been thinking a lot about this lately - the way people change (or don't) throughout life. I've thought about how many people I've met, spent time with, worked with, hung out with, been best of friends with throughout my measly 28 years. Then, I think about how many of those people I still really "know". Sure, I may still see them, talk to them, chat with them via Facebook/email/blogs, or just stalk them online, but they certainly are not the same people I originally became friends with.
There's that rare type that hasn't changed at all, they haven't moved on. I was friends with them in my early to mid-twenties: my drinking until I can't walk without the support of some poor friend phase. We all had jobs. Most of us were finished with, or close to finishing, college. Some of us still lived at home, some didn't. But, we all loved to party - go out dancing, drinking, eating at Denny's at 2am. It was awesome
then. But there's that select few that are still doing that 5 years later. I think some of them might not even be finished with school. Some might still live at home. I have no idea because I no longer keep in touch with them. How can I? I could no longer relate to them if I tried.
Then there's that type that has moved right on past me. They graduated from college before me, got married before me, some even started having kids before I met the Husband. Their whole lives are their children (at least, that's how it seems from the outside). They write blogs about bottles, diapers, strollers, carseats. I don't know these people anymore. And they don't know me. In fact, I sometimes get the vibe that they've moved on so much, they really don't want much to do with you if you're not in the same stage of life that they are.
While the above type of friends make me sad, they still play a very important role. These are the ones that make me question everything and make me think really hard about where I am in this game of life. Should I be having kids? Why is my clock not ticking? Am I not meant to have children? Is it wrong that I'd rather be selfish and spend my hard-earned money on 7s and Coach purses? Or am I being the opposite of selfish because I'm not bringing children into a home where I'd have to work full time in order to pay for all the extra expenses children bring? But then I think about these questions and it makes me wonder, is that all there is: getting married and having kids? I know that kids are fulfilling and once you have them, you can't imagine your life without them. But, I can't possibly know or understand that at this point. Ignorance is bliss, right?
I don't know.... This struggle, that I know many twenty-somethings are facing right now, is ever-present. My whole life I always assumed I'd have kids, but now that I'm in my prime child-bearing years, I'm not so sure anymore. I could see us never having kids and being happy, satisfied. However, the fact that I'm a woman, in America, raised in a very traditional household, I will always have that little "tug" telling me I
have to have kids - how can I not have at least one? Who knows? Maybe there will be a "surpise" and I won't have to wonder about all this anymore.
I apologize for the rant, but this is something I've wanted to put into words for a while now. Anyone else struggling with this dilemma? Or, has anyone struggled with this in the past and finally came to a conclusion?
